With the money Emi saved by not buying fresh fruit, she was able to completely remodel the bathroom while we were gone in Lisbon. She replaced the toilet paper holder with something so shiny that I am blinded every time I pee. Its an added bonusevery time I go to the bathroom. She also removed our old-fashioned towel bathmat and replaced it with some kind of wooden flooring. I’m not going to lie. I don’t think the square piece of wood she placed outside our shower was ever designated to be a bathmat. The missing piece to a wall perhaps or a floorboard that got lost in the inquisition. But never a bathmat.

Not only does it mess up the feng sui of the bathroom by reflecting weirdly in the toilet paper holder, but it also fails to absorb any water. Instead of getting out of the shower and drying my feet, I am now forced to inspect them for splinters. And since my feet never really dry, the floor between the bathroom and the bedroom gets slightly wet. Not wet enough to make puddles, but wet enough to turn every trip from the bathroom into the bedroom into a slip-n-slide adventure. Emi played slip n’ slide after I showered the first time and then at dinner she asked me to kindly dry off before I leave the bathroom. I asked her equally as kindly to get rid of the wooden floorboard mat and return our old-fashioned towel.